It would seem folks back in 1862 new Jackson for what he really was as I do, too.


The Daily Dispatch: December 17, 1862.

Richmond Dispatch.
Financial and Commercial.

Biography of Stonewall Jackson.
The New York Sunday Mercury publishes a humorous biography of Stonewall Jackson. We make the following extracts:

Your correspondent has seen many biographical sketches of the renowned "Stonewall"; but they all abound in inconsistencies untruths, and inaccuracies. In the hands of some historians his life, like the short India-rubber blanket of a long soldier, is stretched to suit the subject. To others this eventful history has been as a lump of clay in the hands of a child — capable of any degree of plastic distortion or beauty, from a Hindoo Idol to a winged statuette of Apollyon the Lovely. Some there be who declare him a myth, a will-o'-the-wisp, a dancing jack of the wilderness, the creation of a mind — or any amount of minds — disordered; but they err, Mr. Editor. Stonewall Jackson is a fixed fact, a melancholy fact, a stubborn fact; and that his life may net go down into darkness, that his deeds of daring may not be wiped out forever like a sum in simple division on a schoolboy's slate, a historian is needed--one that is faithful, capable and unbiased; like those, for instance, who do the biographical sketches for the New York morning dallies--one that is wholly competent, and that careth not a pin for Northern praise nor Southern commendation; in brief, one like those who, for instance, do the biographical sketches for the New York morning journals--one that is wholly competent, and that careth not a pin for Northern praise nor Southern commendation; in brief, one like those who write the biographical histories for the papers aforesaid. Such an one is Anno Dominic, and he herewith presents a history which he is willing to take his affidavit is as reliable and worthy as though it was written for one of those immaculate sheets — the New York dallies.

Stonewall Jackson was born very early in life — in fact, so young was he at that interesting period of his history, that the date thereof lurketh not in his own memory, nor yet in that of his present biographer. Sufficient be it to say, he was Born.--The ancestry of S. J. has hitherto been shrouded in doubt. Some have asserted that he is descended from Jack, surnamed the Giant Killer, and that the "seven-league boots" of the aforesaid J. the G. K. are yet in his possession, which accounts for the celerity of his movements. Others declare him to be an offshoot of the Jacobin family, the founder of which was Jackaloo the Chinese Pirate. They are all wrong, Mr. Editor; Stonewall Jackson is descended in a curved line from the Wandering Jew. In early time the Jew family was rich, but one evil day the head of it went down into Egypt, "bucked" against Pharaoh, and came back with nary shekel, having lost them all in that interesting game. From that time till the discovery of the Mississippi river, the family was too poor to have a name. Stonewall's grandfather ran a flatboat on the aforesaid river, and was extravagantly fond of the classic game of "old sledge." He married, and in the course of time had four sons, whom he named — to commemorate his favorite game — High, Low, Jack, and the Game. Jack followed the example of his father, married, and had one son, the subject of this sketch, who was naturally called Jack's son, and in course of time Jackson. A family trait lurks in Stonewall, for at any critical stage of the game he is sure to "turn" up and become the trump.

Young Jackson in his youth gave great promise of future usefulness, so much so that when he was sent to school he invariably ran away to play "tag" and "leap frog," to the constant study of which he owes his agility. One day Jackson's pere, learning of his son's truancy, determined to chastise it out of him, and so collared the incipient hero and bent him over his knee, thus throwing a prominent part of the youth into bold relief. Mrs. Jackson (the mother) then seized a shirt board with both hands, and proceeded to bring the youngster to a sense of his duty by divers ponderous blows. Young Jackson squirmed like a fish-worm; but, with that Spartan firmness that has ever distinguished him, shed not a tear, At about the fortieth blow the old lady paused while the old gent eased on his hold, and inquired, "My son, whilst thou go to school in future!" The young hero raised his head, wiped his sleeve across his nose, and looking up into his father's face, said: "I say, old gentleman, why am I like a cabin passenger on a canal boat!""My son, I knows not," sagely observed Jackson, replor."Why," said the young incorrigible, with a knowing wink, "its because I am boarded astern " The poor outraged father could only ejaculate "board him again old lady, board him again.""Not I," said the mother, dropping the shirt board. "You might as well larrup a Stonewall. "

From that day to this the hero has gone by the name of Stonewall Jackson. "But, mother," said the father, as the released youth skedaddled out of the room to finish his game of tag, "What shall we do with the boy?""Do? why send him to West Point, he ain't good for nothing else."Stonewall went to West Point. Many interesting events occurred during his pupilage there, but — following the example of the New York papers — I condense.

Stonewall Jackson passed a creditable examination, and graduated number two (from the foot) of his class, and the rebellion having just commenced, was immediately appointed a Brigadier General by the Southern Confederacy--the United States Government paying his livery stable bill at West Point and his passage to the rebel lines. While passing through our army he stopped to make a sketch of our fortifications, when an inconsiderate sentinel demanded his pass. The sentinel was immediately sentenced to be hung, but was afterwards allowed to resign.

His first battle was at Bull Run, in 1861, where he slew a whole division of the Federal army with his own hand, and then got slowed himself. In this battle both armies were defeated; but, unfortunately, neither of them found it out in time to take advantage of it. The Union army was greatly outnumbered, but "gained a material advantage" (see McD.'s dispatches)

In June, 1862, he took command of 500,000 men, (see Northern papers of that date,) and turned his attention to the political economy of the Shenandoah Valley. Not liking the state of the currency there, he determined to abolish Banks; in doing which several desperate battles were fought, in all of which, though outnumbered, our troops "gained material advantage," (see B — k's dispatches,) but our cavalry horses becoming thirsty, the army fell back to the Potomac to water them.

Jackson's horses, also being dry, he pushed on for the same watering place, but learning that Fremont had out loose, fell back. Fremont following, a desperate engagement took place at Front Royal, in which Stonewall would have been annihilated, bad not the U. S. Government stopped the battle (N.Y. Trib.) to hold a court of inquiry, to see if Fremont had not paid three postage stamps too much for a bushel of oats, furnished through a California friend, to a horse of his body guard.--While the court was in session Stonewall skedad died. Fremont followed, however, and would have bagged him if he had not taken the wrong road, (N. Y. Herald) and travelled North while Jackson was going South. Getting safe back to Richmond, Stonewall bore a leading part in the battles in front of that "doomed" (see all the papers) city.

According to the Northern prints, Jackson suffered terribly in person in these battles. He lost his right leg at Hanover Court-House, and his left at Gainesville. The next day, while leading his corps into battle at Savage's, his horse baulked in front of a barrel of beans, which had been abandoned by our army, and was compelled to dismount and go it on foot, in doing which he lost his right arm. The succeeding day he lost his left arm at Peach Orchard.

Two days after, at the battle of Malvern Hill, he stooped down to fasten his shoe, and while in that position his head was blown off by a 103,000 pound shell. This was the unkindest cut of all; but the old veteran merely raised his martial form erect, and said: "My bleeding country, I cheerfully make the sacrifice. Old head, farewell!" These are but a few of the wounds the old man has received — according to the papers. Even as I write, the report comes that this modern Briareus lost another arm at Antietam.

Stonewall Jackson, in personal appearance, is most unlovely — and it is said that he — like the Ashantees — files his teeth to a sharp point every other morning. He stands eleven feet five inches (or five feet eleven inches, I am not certain which) in his boots — when he has got any.

His hair is black, and was furnished to order by Bachelor, of New York. In religion he is at times a devout Catholic--at least he followed closely in the footsteps of the Pope during one of his campaigns — and at others he is a colporteur for the American Tract Society--at any rate he has probably left more tracks in Virginia than any other white man; and, according to the papers, always goes into battle with a family Bible under one arm and a Greek Testament in the coat tail pocket, which he reads during the intervals of the fighting.

He is abstemious in his habits, having been known to live nine days off of one sardine and a barrel of whiskey. In dress he is extremely neat, never wearing a shirt more than three months without changing it.

To sum up, Stonewall, in private life is — as Shakespeare says--"a man as is a man, that we may never look upon his like again." In his military capacity he is, to quote Sheridan Knowles, "in peace a lamb, in war--a lam'er."

Thanks for sharring the info. I'm always fasinated about "ol Tom Fool" as some called him. I have great respect for that man.

Eric G.